My Rainy days:
Rainy days are going on; oh I am talking about my rainy days. It was and is time for me to implement all that trainings which I have given to others, in their critical time.
I believe in savings and in simplicity. I may have inspired many, may have conducted no. of trainings. It was and is for me to implement those training in my own life. These were and are my rainy days. Thanks to the situation so I have the opportunity to try and test. So this is the situational “simplicity”. Simplicity -which you have to adopt due to the situation. Thank God to all my “stupidity” (according to some opinion). Stupidity of- following values and believing in it.
Rainy days also gives you lot of lessons and learning which you will never be able to - in entire life, it is a practical learning of financial management, crisis management, relationship management, marketing etc.
My computer crashed down, computers are like our own baby so there is pain involved, but also the feeling of a disability. It also adds to our rainy days. I am very patient about my rainy days; it is a good assessment and exam of our skill of crisis management. I am sure and confident the romance with doctor(s) will be over soon, we all will say good bye to all that doctors who have stand by our side in our critical time, but we have to, we have to be selfish. Apologies, what else?
cont.
મંગળવાર, 27 જુલાઈ, 2010
Fortunately stupid 3/Thank God! I am alive
Thank God - I am alive~!
Move in the villages or other metro city like Delhi by road, bus, air and in train alone and even in the night was not an easy thing. That time communication was also not their like mobile phone so people at home really were not aware on what mode of transportation I am taking, what time I am reaching or coming etc. I used to take midnight train/ journey in order to save the day time and work and also used to come back exactly at the midnight, some time I used to spend half of the night at the waiting room of the railway station so I can catch the auto ricksow early morning. This is to save the auto ricksow fare which is 1 and half time more before 5 in the morning. I was asked no. of questions by the care taker of the waiting room and I was eyewitness of many cases of helpless women or women or girls who were run away from the homes, many time I have seen the abused women are been given shelter for the night by police and taken in the morning. SO I was used to have an encounter some kind of questions.
I can’t forget my journey’s to the districts in night, in totally crowded bus, sitting in between the two rows of the seats. This situation was due to the sudden accidents to our bus and we have to travel more than half of the distance to the destination by sitting. It is very difficult in overnight journeys. I don’t know who forces us to do such things, and weather saving money was an important or safety? I used to catch the running train always after completing my office work in evening to the long distance.
I can’t and will never forget the dangerous journey in extreme rainy situation. Whenever I see rain I used to remember many incidents, the dangerous ventures in my life.
One day when there was extreme rain I do not remember the exact year but it must be 1993 or 1994 when the entire Gujarat was gifted by heavy rain and almost all the highways were closed and flooded. We have plan to stay in Radhanpur for about 7 days for field work and we were so stupid we were moving in the villages in extreme rain without knowing situation all over place, (this is routine problem with the people who work at the grass roots level) in one village our jeep trapped in to deep water, on a neck high water, after more than half an hour we could fetch out the jeep with the help of one tractor. When we came back to Radhanpur we have been told if we have to go out from Radhanpur, immediate otherwise it can be after 7 days because entire radhanpur was flooding and they were breaking nala so water can be directed out from the city. After long discussion we have decided to leave in jeep towards Ahmadabad, but I don’t want to describe we have seen the death under the water at Dashada bridge and also at the VIram gam near Sokali crossing at midnight. Uff we have almost drowned away in the water, I still feel there was no scope of escaping, but we have, how can I share this at home? (Stupidity and luck)
In 1999 when cyclone emerged, again we were just one minute ahead and eye witness of the bridge broken on the river from Nakhatrana to Bhuj, we just passed it.
In 1997 or 1998 there was flood in Kutch and I was so stupid, we have gone towards the coastal areas of west Kutch with the big bus along with the block officers and all the officers were following our jeep, (because there was no road to village and our driver only knew the way) we came to know that some of the villages at the borders are been trapped so whatever people can be brought back. All the block officers were requesting me to go back. Normal tendency that if female or a women workers are there they feel they have to take care of us. The village people were moved at the safe place and refused to come out so we all came back, that night in the extreme cyclonic rain I have made the journey in jeep along from Naliya to Bhuj, I have remembered I have not seen any single vehicles and in the midnight only I heard the total road was blocked and it was closed for more than 10 days, no. of small bridges and tress fallen down, I was eye witness to many of them. It was almost midnight I was travelling from Naliya to Bhuj.alone…!
Many time I was not able to share many thing at home otherwise they all will be worried. So today when I see myself alive I feel it’s just luck, I am fortunate. Also many more such risky ventures but that time who was there to stop and I was not aware what is fear?
cont.
Move in the villages or other metro city like Delhi by road, bus, air and in train alone and even in the night was not an easy thing. That time communication was also not their like mobile phone so people at home really were not aware on what mode of transportation I am taking, what time I am reaching or coming etc. I used to take midnight train/ journey in order to save the day time and work and also used to come back exactly at the midnight, some time I used to spend half of the night at the waiting room of the railway station so I can catch the auto ricksow early morning. This is to save the auto ricksow fare which is 1 and half time more before 5 in the morning. I was asked no. of questions by the care taker of the waiting room and I was eyewitness of many cases of helpless women or women or girls who were run away from the homes, many time I have seen the abused women are been given shelter for the night by police and taken in the morning. SO I was used to have an encounter some kind of questions.
I can’t forget my journey’s to the districts in night, in totally crowded bus, sitting in between the two rows of the seats. This situation was due to the sudden accidents to our bus and we have to travel more than half of the distance to the destination by sitting. It is very difficult in overnight journeys. I don’t know who forces us to do such things, and weather saving money was an important or safety? I used to catch the running train always after completing my office work in evening to the long distance.
I can’t and will never forget the dangerous journey in extreme rainy situation. Whenever I see rain I used to remember many incidents, the dangerous ventures in my life.
One day when there was extreme rain I do not remember the exact year but it must be 1993 or 1994 when the entire Gujarat was gifted by heavy rain and almost all the highways were closed and flooded. We have plan to stay in Radhanpur for about 7 days for field work and we were so stupid we were moving in the villages in extreme rain without knowing situation all over place, (this is routine problem with the people who work at the grass roots level) in one village our jeep trapped in to deep water, on a neck high water, after more than half an hour we could fetch out the jeep with the help of one tractor. When we came back to Radhanpur we have been told if we have to go out from Radhanpur, immediate otherwise it can be after 7 days because entire radhanpur was flooding and they were breaking nala so water can be directed out from the city. After long discussion we have decided to leave in jeep towards Ahmadabad, but I don’t want to describe we have seen the death under the water at Dashada bridge and also at the VIram gam near Sokali crossing at midnight. Uff we have almost drowned away in the water, I still feel there was no scope of escaping, but we have, how can I share this at home? (Stupidity and luck)
In 1999 when cyclone emerged, again we were just one minute ahead and eye witness of the bridge broken on the river from Nakhatrana to Bhuj, we just passed it.
In 1997 or 1998 there was flood in Kutch and I was so stupid, we have gone towards the coastal areas of west Kutch with the big bus along with the block officers and all the officers were following our jeep, (because there was no road to village and our driver only knew the way) we came to know that some of the villages at the borders are been trapped so whatever people can be brought back. All the block officers were requesting me to go back. Normal tendency that if female or a women workers are there they feel they have to take care of us. The village people were moved at the safe place and refused to come out so we all came back, that night in the extreme cyclonic rain I have made the journey in jeep along from Naliya to Bhuj, I have remembered I have not seen any single vehicles and in the midnight only I heard the total road was blocked and it was closed for more than 10 days, no. of small bridges and tress fallen down, I was eye witness to many of them. It was almost midnight I was travelling from Naliya to Bhuj.alone…!
Many time I was not able to share many thing at home otherwise they all will be worried. So today when I see myself alive I feel it’s just luck, I am fortunate. Also many more such risky ventures but that time who was there to stop and I was not aware what is fear?
cont.
સોમવાર, 26 જુલાઈ, 2010
Fortunately stupid 2/ Matured young hood
Guarati will follow:
ગુજરાતીમાં હવે પછી લખીશ. લખી રહી છુ.
Matured young hood:
This is manomanthan so my mind is very much remembering the days when I have joined the work after my graduation. I was and am also human being, a common person, and young, but that was the time I was introduced to the very different world of poverty. When the girls of my age was busy seeing their future life partners, or already got married and serving their in-laws or doing party or dating with their boyfriends, I was moving in the extreme salt pan in Surendranagar and interior villages of Kutch.
When I needed somebody who can handle me, can guide me on many subjects, when I was at the age where I could do some mistakes/ (may be pleasure mistakes also) I have found myself as guardian or a leader to many other colleagues. (Thank God, this was sign that I have to be on my own) That has developed very early maturity in me.
I had to guide my colleagues, I realized I was observed by the colleagues who were under training, I have to tackle their issues, and I have to answer their parents. In both the districts where we were expanding the work we have set up the office and also recruited team from local. So in most of the interviews, parents also used to come with their daughters, and they want to confirm where their girls are going or husbands also want to confirm, so I was been observed and assessed with everything. When we talk about going to villages or to Ahmadabad the parents were always worried. So when you move to the villages not only your colleagues who are really younger or older than you but new in the field will observe but also the women and entire community will also observe you and your character. The kind of cloth you put on and kind of hairstyle you do, kind of language you use, the way your body language everything is under scan. More importantly that is the reflection of your team, very obvious- you are creating the culture.
I am telling you I don’t know how I have done that but I was feeling very happy when almost all parents and husbands of the women were comfortable when I am with their daughters and wives, but that also add the responsibilities as well. Believe me I have to counsel/mentor the team, my colleagues on many things; even many times we have to go their homes to settle many issues. I don’t know whether I was capable to advise anything on any of those issues but you have to perform. I very much remember one day one of the young colleague attempted suicide in office I was not aware for which reason. I was not having any idea on what kind of responsibilities I owned.
Cont.
ગુજરાતીમાં હવે પછી લખીશ. લખી રહી છુ.
Matured young hood:
This is manomanthan so my mind is very much remembering the days when I have joined the work after my graduation. I was and am also human being, a common person, and young, but that was the time I was introduced to the very different world of poverty. When the girls of my age was busy seeing their future life partners, or already got married and serving their in-laws or doing party or dating with their boyfriends, I was moving in the extreme salt pan in Surendranagar and interior villages of Kutch.
When I needed somebody who can handle me, can guide me on many subjects, when I was at the age where I could do some mistakes/ (may be pleasure mistakes also) I have found myself as guardian or a leader to many other colleagues. (Thank God, this was sign that I have to be on my own) That has developed very early maturity in me.
I had to guide my colleagues, I realized I was observed by the colleagues who were under training, I have to tackle their issues, and I have to answer their parents. In both the districts where we were expanding the work we have set up the office and also recruited team from local. So in most of the interviews, parents also used to come with their daughters, and they want to confirm where their girls are going or husbands also want to confirm, so I was been observed and assessed with everything. When we talk about going to villages or to Ahmadabad the parents were always worried. So when you move to the villages not only your colleagues who are really younger or older than you but new in the field will observe but also the women and entire community will also observe you and your character. The kind of cloth you put on and kind of hairstyle you do, kind of language you use, the way your body language everything is under scan. More importantly that is the reflection of your team, very obvious- you are creating the culture.
I am telling you I don’t know how I have done that but I was feeling very happy when almost all parents and husbands of the women were comfortable when I am with their daughters and wives, but that also add the responsibilities as well. Believe me I have to counsel/mentor the team, my colleagues on many things; even many times we have to go their homes to settle many issues. I don’t know whether I was capable to advise anything on any of those issues but you have to perform. I very much remember one day one of the young colleague attempted suicide in office I was not aware for which reason. I was not having any idea on what kind of responsibilities I owned.
Cont.
સોમવાર, 19 જુલાઈ, 2010
Fortunately stupid 1
Gujarati version will follow.
ગુજરાતી હવે પછી લખીશ.ક્ષમાયાચના.
I am in romantic mood today:
Today is the first day of the month “Ashadh” so obviously by default you have romantic mood. After all we all are human being- I am for sure. Seasons always has influence on us, if you believe or not. Today my computer is not giving me full support, my Guajarati key board is not working and I just want to give up now so will write in Gujarati later. May be the computer is also having an influence of the season, some time it also give up.
“Ashadhashya pratham divase”, I am not remembering him for the all great creation, but it was co-incidence that today is the first day of Ashadh month and journey of my thoughts came to this topic about me as stupid person. Kalidasji who was cutting the branch on which he was sitting. Oh please do not misunderstood I am comparing myself. However I have been part of many creation and contributed with whatever limited but best of best ability.
I always have strong feeling stupidity and luck has strong coordination, and it has something to do with the creativity. I am always proud of all that stupidity which I have done or I think that was so stupid on my part or was considered as stupidity. I am glad I was stupid; I normally have not put lot of thoughts on many major decisions in my personal and professional life. However it has proved beneficial. ( to me off course, I am human being and a common person so I always talk about my benefit, we have to be selfish all the time, and we have to follow the values so we have to be honest in saying truth).
Any person with little intelligence can easily and immediately assess about my stupidity and they can conclude that I am really good for nothing. I took time understand this fact. Stupid people always wants to go the reverse way, against the trends, take up the challenges and try to impossible things.
I can say I am stupid person, and I have made many mistakes- I think it would be really good to remember those mistakes and stupidity I am sure you will be able to see all through out.- now my mood looks changing and let me come out from this sarcastic mood, I am not like this.
I am satisfied person:
My world was different until I fell ill. I was feeling that I am the most fortunate person in this world, I was so satisfied with whatever I have achieved in my life, I was never have feeling of lacking anything in life. I was not having that kind of stupid thoughts or wish of lacking money, education or anything in life. (So see, this was stupidity, I was happy because I was stupid.)
Today only one of my friend said “you were like work maniac”. I have seen many of my friends before 20 years at the time of their marriage, and now I met them when their children are grown up. They are also stupid, that time I also found them worried about their education and percentage in exam, even today I found them worrying about their children’s exam and admissions. God! give them some break.
What is my background?
Once during the presentation at IIMA, when I was on full track of making presentation about our initiative- what we are – as an organization/ company, and all that financial performance, marketing strategy etc. -This was routine work when you are heading the initiative, and since I was going at IIMA (Indian Institute of Management Ahmadabad) obviously I thought I will get no. of questions on the financial performance, strategy etc. but to my surprise I was asked very often by all the students (many of them were having some experiences working at the corporate)- “Pls. tell about yourself. We would like to know about you”. I was not able to speak much, was totally confused what to say. It was not habit to tell about myself, however can speak for hours for thousands of women’s life. Since they are part of our life we know them very closely.
That was the time I was thinking about myself. I have never realized these aspects that I have no background, I was having normal and common education, was not having any technical background, or a professional back ground. If I have any problems, there is no one whom I can share or take guidance at least not at the home. But there was always moral support from them.
At home it was really difficult for me to describe what kind of work I am doing or what I am doing. However I have hardly shared my back ground with these details or struggle to any outsiders. Infect I feel little shy to say that I am just Commerce Graduate, later on I realized yes one can always present the case in the context. To me it’s not right way to get opportunity or get sympathy or to be eligible for any position or -------.( stupid again).. (But yes one can always gain by sharing the hard back ground with struggles, that is the most strong bio data and can give you much eligibility. We all at home are really against the tears and crying or using tears as one of the weapons to achieve something or presenting case.
Simply Mona:
There can be simple stories as well. So I put the thought about myself: To me,
(I used to say,) I am Mona Dave, a commerce graduate, and have been part of this initiative for more than 19 years, having experience of working in rural areas etc etc etc.
Unmarried! (happily)
If you are in villages or in some kind of circle you are been asked so we have to answer- Unmarried, no children- when you are abroad you get direct question “ do you have any children?” Yes you have to realized they really do not bother about the first question of are you married?
Fevicol ka majboot jod! ( Strong bonding like a fevicol)
I often been asked what made you to join this sector? (Social or development sector)- I have all the funny answers, may be today I am in little different mood. So lets be very honest to ourselves atleast- I could not say to them that my dear friend -I was not having any other opportunity….! I do not wish to give serious answers right now but gradually you will get why?.
19 years is really long time, and it is very very interesting to see their face when we inform them about this long association.
It is really long association, indeed, and that is always on question mark. Now a days huge amount of turn over of the human resources –hmm-good quality of people, and it always become head ache to retain the good people/staff/or whatever term you want to read,--
Honesty and loyalty?- yes you are right.
It is very difficult to find honesty and loyalty. However in the world where I was associated, loyalty and honesty was not new, there are people since inception and foundations, even for more than 25 years.( I could be last if compete) But still I have seen people who wants to just pass the time, or use the association as stepping stone, or if they find any better opportunity or to find better opportunity, ( off course financially). Many people think they can make their own initiative if they have 2-3 years experience so this question is really obvious, but I don’t know some how my loyal blood do not really understand this question. (Very obvious Mona, in outside world it is called your progress)
Self Respect is must:
When you get satisfaction with what you do and you are convinced with what you do with your work and you find self respect what else do you need? I can understand the feeling of those people who have the theory that money is the important aspects, yes I am with you all, it is, but whatever you earn today it is always not sufficient and not satisfactory. Today if you are earning 1, you want to go to 2 and there is no end of greed and expectations, ambitions. We all at home always take the example of “Valmiki”, we all want to give ourselves best and also to our family but some day we come to know that they really were not asking all those luxury in their life, they were always happy. In my house also none of us were having big expectations or needs so to me self respect and satisfaction is important with the work.( off course work which is ethical). You expect and you give to others as well. We are always culprit of spoiling ourselves and our surrounding. Why we want to ‘give”? Give- provide is feeling with little ego and pride in negative way.
Age? Guess!
Many other questions were always been observed on people’s eye when they see your age, everybody always wanted to know about the age off course, but it is always good to see the guessing face about the age. This world was very different where we have to try to look mature. Very strange, I have to try to look mature and old otherwise people can not take me serious! But it is always a good answer to say what do you think my age would be ( if we see the person is worth asking this question) and it is more pleasure to listen that expected answer- oh you look very young you may be not more than ___( the answer is always unexpected and present you 10 years younger)! I am telling you we know the person is trying to please us, and still we feel so good about that. “Oh that’s complement thank you so much” one can not stop. Fun na??
( age and weight will gradually become the most talking points among the colleagues but it is always after 30’s. It is fun to hear how people are trying to reduce the weight – off course no body is unaware how they have gained. So you should learn atleast one sentence and you have to tell- oh wow you have reduced, and one can see that, you look wonderful. I can tell you that will give a great encouragement in to the person and it is other matter that one put on weight in that happiness.
cont.
ગુજરાતી હવે પછી લખીશ.ક્ષમાયાચના.
I am in romantic mood today:
Today is the first day of the month “Ashadh” so obviously by default you have romantic mood. After all we all are human being- I am for sure. Seasons always has influence on us, if you believe or not. Today my computer is not giving me full support, my Guajarati key board is not working and I just want to give up now so will write in Gujarati later. May be the computer is also having an influence of the season, some time it also give up.
“Ashadhashya pratham divase”, I am not remembering him for the all great creation, but it was co-incidence that today is the first day of Ashadh month and journey of my thoughts came to this topic about me as stupid person. Kalidasji who was cutting the branch on which he was sitting. Oh please do not misunderstood I am comparing myself. However I have been part of many creation and contributed with whatever limited but best of best ability.
I always have strong feeling stupidity and luck has strong coordination, and it has something to do with the creativity. I am always proud of all that stupidity which I have done or I think that was so stupid on my part or was considered as stupidity. I am glad I was stupid; I normally have not put lot of thoughts on many major decisions in my personal and professional life. However it has proved beneficial. ( to me off course, I am human being and a common person so I always talk about my benefit, we have to be selfish all the time, and we have to follow the values so we have to be honest in saying truth).
Any person with little intelligence can easily and immediately assess about my stupidity and they can conclude that I am really good for nothing. I took time understand this fact. Stupid people always wants to go the reverse way, against the trends, take up the challenges and try to impossible things.
I can say I am stupid person, and I have made many mistakes- I think it would be really good to remember those mistakes and stupidity I am sure you will be able to see all through out.- now my mood looks changing and let me come out from this sarcastic mood, I am not like this.
I am satisfied person:
My world was different until I fell ill. I was feeling that I am the most fortunate person in this world, I was so satisfied with whatever I have achieved in my life, I was never have feeling of lacking anything in life. I was not having that kind of stupid thoughts or wish of lacking money, education or anything in life. (So see, this was stupidity, I was happy because I was stupid.)
Today only one of my friend said “you were like work maniac”. I have seen many of my friends before 20 years at the time of their marriage, and now I met them when their children are grown up. They are also stupid, that time I also found them worried about their education and percentage in exam, even today I found them worrying about their children’s exam and admissions. God! give them some break.
What is my background?
Once during the presentation at IIMA, when I was on full track of making presentation about our initiative- what we are – as an organization/ company, and all that financial performance, marketing strategy etc. -This was routine work when you are heading the initiative, and since I was going at IIMA (Indian Institute of Management Ahmadabad) obviously I thought I will get no. of questions on the financial performance, strategy etc. but to my surprise I was asked very often by all the students (many of them were having some experiences working at the corporate)- “Pls. tell about yourself. We would like to know about you”. I was not able to speak much, was totally confused what to say. It was not habit to tell about myself, however can speak for hours for thousands of women’s life. Since they are part of our life we know them very closely.
That was the time I was thinking about myself. I have never realized these aspects that I have no background, I was having normal and common education, was not having any technical background, or a professional back ground. If I have any problems, there is no one whom I can share or take guidance at least not at the home. But there was always moral support from them.
At home it was really difficult for me to describe what kind of work I am doing or what I am doing. However I have hardly shared my back ground with these details or struggle to any outsiders. Infect I feel little shy to say that I am just Commerce Graduate, later on I realized yes one can always present the case in the context. To me it’s not right way to get opportunity or get sympathy or to be eligible for any position or -------.( stupid again).. (But yes one can always gain by sharing the hard back ground with struggles, that is the most strong bio data and can give you much eligibility. We all at home are really against the tears and crying or using tears as one of the weapons to achieve something or presenting case.
Simply Mona:
There can be simple stories as well. So I put the thought about myself: To me,
(I used to say,) I am Mona Dave, a commerce graduate, and have been part of this initiative for more than 19 years, having experience of working in rural areas etc etc etc.
Unmarried! (happily)
If you are in villages or in some kind of circle you are been asked so we have to answer- Unmarried, no children- when you are abroad you get direct question “ do you have any children?” Yes you have to realized they really do not bother about the first question of are you married?
Fevicol ka majboot jod! ( Strong bonding like a fevicol)
I often been asked what made you to join this sector? (Social or development sector)- I have all the funny answers, may be today I am in little different mood. So lets be very honest to ourselves atleast- I could not say to them that my dear friend -I was not having any other opportunity….! I do not wish to give serious answers right now but gradually you will get why?.
19 years is really long time, and it is very very interesting to see their face when we inform them about this long association.
It is really long association, indeed, and that is always on question mark. Now a days huge amount of turn over of the human resources –hmm-good quality of people, and it always become head ache to retain the good people/staff/or whatever term you want to read,--
Honesty and loyalty?- yes you are right.
It is very difficult to find honesty and loyalty. However in the world where I was associated, loyalty and honesty was not new, there are people since inception and foundations, even for more than 25 years.( I could be last if compete) But still I have seen people who wants to just pass the time, or use the association as stepping stone, or if they find any better opportunity or to find better opportunity, ( off course financially). Many people think they can make their own initiative if they have 2-3 years experience so this question is really obvious, but I don’t know some how my loyal blood do not really understand this question. (Very obvious Mona, in outside world it is called your progress)
Self Respect is must:
When you get satisfaction with what you do and you are convinced with what you do with your work and you find self respect what else do you need? I can understand the feeling of those people who have the theory that money is the important aspects, yes I am with you all, it is, but whatever you earn today it is always not sufficient and not satisfactory. Today if you are earning 1, you want to go to 2 and there is no end of greed and expectations, ambitions. We all at home always take the example of “Valmiki”, we all want to give ourselves best and also to our family but some day we come to know that they really were not asking all those luxury in their life, they were always happy. In my house also none of us were having big expectations or needs so to me self respect and satisfaction is important with the work.( off course work which is ethical). You expect and you give to others as well. We are always culprit of spoiling ourselves and our surrounding. Why we want to ‘give”? Give- provide is feeling with little ego and pride in negative way.
Age? Guess!
Many other questions were always been observed on people’s eye when they see your age, everybody always wanted to know about the age off course, but it is always good to see the guessing face about the age. This world was very different where we have to try to look mature. Very strange, I have to try to look mature and old otherwise people can not take me serious! But it is always a good answer to say what do you think my age would be ( if we see the person is worth asking this question) and it is more pleasure to listen that expected answer- oh you look very young you may be not more than ___( the answer is always unexpected and present you 10 years younger)! I am telling you we know the person is trying to please us, and still we feel so good about that. “Oh that’s complement thank you so much” one can not stop. Fun na??
( age and weight will gradually become the most talking points among the colleagues but it is always after 30’s. It is fun to hear how people are trying to reduce the weight – off course no body is unaware how they have gained. So you should learn atleast one sentence and you have to tell- oh wow you have reduced, and one can see that, you look wonderful. I can tell you that will give a great encouragement in to the person and it is other matter that one put on weight in that happiness.
cont.
શનિવાર, 10 જુલાઈ, 2010
struggle? not really! 4
(This in cont. of all earlier blog.)
Clear cut deal with God:
Well this is routine deal at home. When anything happens first thing my mother will do is to pray God and make deal with God, if everything will be all right she will offer 2 candles ( Indian lamps), second thing she would do is “najar utaro” means as per her our belief the bad aura or a aura of a bad eyes. So with small practice she believes it will go away. We all now started believing in her these two practices. She has tremendous trust on God. God always listens to her. Her demand is reasonable though, she never asked for crores of rupees.
ભગવાન સાથેના સોદાઓ/ડીલ- મારી મમ્મીની: ( આ સામાન્ય બાબત છે જોકે): જયારે કઈ પણ થાય માઠું જ તો, એટલે એ બે કામ પહેલા કરે, એક તો ભગવાન પાસે બે દીવા કરવાની બધા રાખે જ રાખે, અને બીજી નજર ઉતારે- જો કોઈ બીમાર પડ્યું હોય તો. હવે તો અમે બધા પણ એમાં માનવા જ માંડ્યા છીએ. એને ભગવાન ઉપર ખુબ જ અને અતિ શ્રદ્ધા છે. જોકે ભગવાન એનું સાંભળે પણ ખરા હો, અને એની માંગણી પણ વ્યાજબી જ હોય જોકે એને કઈ કરોડો રૂપિયા થોડા જોઈએ છે?
Only Mother in illness who else?
માંદગી માં તો માં જ ને :
She used to spend night with me, in the hospital. MY pain was not improving and according to Doctor it should have been improved. He can not continue pain killers, so he was very sure that I was not cooperating, I was not following his instructions. In the night I used to sleep on side, I developed sugar so my legs were paining a lot so I was not able to sleep strait. So Doctor was very furious on my mother, and he scolded her, according to him she is not the right person to spend night because she is really a sensitive person and she can’t control me. I fought with Doctor and told him not to scold my Mother just because your treatment is not working.
એ હોસ્પિટલ માં રાત્રે મારી સાથે સુઈ જાય. મારું દર્દ ઓછુ થતું જ નહતું અને ડોક્ટર ના માટે થવંo જોઈતું હતું. ડોક્ટર મને લાંબા સમય સુધી દુખાવા માં રાહતની દવા આપી શકે નહિ એટલે એમને થોડી શંકા ગઈ કે હું એમને બરાબર સાથ નથી આપતી, એમની કહેલી સંભાળ રાખતી નથી. હા, હું રાત્રે પડખું ફરી જતી હતી, મને એ વખતે જ સુગર ( શર્કરા) વધી જવાથી પગમાં અત્યંત દુખાવો રહેતો એટલે હું સીધા સુઈ જ શક્તિ નહિ. આમેય મને એ વાત નો ખ્યાલ નહોતો કે મારા માટે સીધા સુવું એ બહુ જ અઘરી બાબત હતી. એટલે ડોક્ટર ને લાગ્યું કે મારી માં કારણકે એ બહુ જ માયાળુ અને લાગણીશીલ છે એ મારી સાથે સુવા માટે યોગ્ય વ્યક્તિ નથી અને એ મારી માં ને બરાબર વઢયા. એટલે પથારી માં પડ્યા પડ્યા એ આપણે ડોક્ટર સાથે જગ્ડાયા. આમેય બીજાના વાંક ગુના કાઢવામાં વાર નાં લાગે એટલે મે એમને જણાવ્યુ કે તમારી ટ્રીટમેન્ટ જ કામ કરી નથી રહી એનો ગુસ્સો મારી માં ઉપર શા માટે?
It was shame for me that at this age I should be serving my mother but she was and is serving me. Do you know one thing? My most of the dispute and disagreement is always with my mother? It is very obvious you fight and feel to disagree with the person whom you love most and also to whom you are always close and near with. We feel there is right to do. Mother never keeps apart her children just because of these dispute or disagreements.
મારે માટે આનાથી વધારે શરમની વાત કઈ કહેવાય જે ઉંમરે મારે મારી માની સેવા કરવી જોઈએ તે ઉંમરે મારી માં મારી સેવા કરે છે.
મારે સૌથી વધારે ઝગડા અને અસંમતી જો કોઈની સાથે હોય તો તે મારી માં સાથે છે. મને લાગે છે કે અહિંસક ઝગડા અને અસમંતી પણ આપણે જેને સૌથી વધારે પ્રેમ કરતા હોય તેની સાથે જ હોય તે સ્વાભાવિક અને જેની સૌથી નજીક રહેતા હોય તેની સાથે તે પણ એ પણ સ્વાભાવિક. એક હક હોય છે, પણ આવા ઝગડા કે વિવાદો ને કારણે કઈ માં પોતાના ને પોતાનાથી અલગ નથી કરતા કઈ?
She hardly could get her education ( Four class). She used to share with me about her education. She was enrolled in the school in Dhrangdhra, but my mother is the only child, and it was also after 20 years of marriage of her parents, (Nana/Ba and Nani) so Ba was very possessive about her only girl child. She will always worried about my mother and if she return home even little late, Mother always found her (Ba) at the door waiting with angry face. Ba used to call back my mother from the school during the school time only to perform many tasks because she was alone at home. Then after time was becoming critical and they have to do migration in search of work in Ahmedabad. So study was left.
મારી માં એનું ભણતર પૂરૂ કરી શકી નહિ ( ચાર ચોપડી). એ અમને બધાને એના ભણતર કેમ અધૂરું રહી ગયું તે જણાવતી. એને ધ્રાંગધ્રાની એક શાળામાં ભણવા જતી. પણ મારી મમ્મી એ એના માતા પિતાનું એક માત્ર સંતાન, અને એ પણ લગ્ન ના ૨૦ વર્ષે, એટલે બા એક તો છોકરી અને પાછી એક ની એક ખુબ જ ચિંતા માં રહે, એ શાળાએ થી જો બે મીનીટ પણ મોડી આવે તો બા લાકડી લઇ ને ઉભા જ હોય. બા મારી માને ચાલુ શાળાએ જ ઘરના ઘણા બધા કામો કરવા દોડાવે કારણ એ એકલા હતા. એ પછી તો પરિસ્થિતિ બગડતી ચાલી અને એમને કામ ની શોધ માં સ્થળાંતર પણ કરવું પડ્યું. એટલે ભણતર રેઢું રહ્યું.
So Nani ( her mother) used to stay with us, and we all have been grown up by her. She was having child after the 20 years of her marriage, at that time if you don’t have child after marriage was not considered good. So that is one of the reasons that she loves the children. My Nani has seen very tough time in her life. My nana ( mother’s father) was not keeping well, he was working in textile mill in Ahmedabad in Saraspur area. The Nani and Mother used to do domestic work in nearby houses, used to grind chili to make it powder etc for survival. She ( Nani- Granma) lost her husband at very young age. She was able to make assets in terms of houses in Dhrangdhra ( her village) and Gold ornaments in smaller income. However she was not aware who will wear the ornaments. However houses are sold in the struggle of survival and marriage of my mother. So whatever Gold left they have decided to use to buy own house.
આ કારણ થી જ બા અમારી સાથે જ રહેતા, અને અમારા બધાનો ઉછેર બા એ જ કર્યો. એ એવો સમય હતો જયારે લગ્ન પછી બાળક ના થાય તો જીવવું જ મુશ્કેલ બની જાય, અને બા ને એક જ સંતાન એટલે જ કદાચ અમે બા નો અઢળક પ્રેમ મેળવ્યો. બા નું જીવન ખુબ જ કઠીન હતું. મારા નાનાની તબિયત બિલકુલ સારી રહેતી નહતી. તેઓ અમદાવાદ ના સરસપુર વિસ્તારની એક મિલમાં જ કામ કરતા હતા. બા અને મમ્મી આસપાસ ના ઘરો માં વાસીદાં, ઠામ, અને મરચા ખાંડવા જેવા અનેક કામો કરતા. પણ નાના તો બાને છોડી ને ચાલી નીકળ્યા ધામમાં.. બા એ કાલા ફોલીને, લોકોના ઘરમાં કામ કરીને પણ બચત કરી ને થોડી ગણી મૂડી અને મિલકતો ઉભી કરી શકી હતી. પણ એમને હંમેશા થતું કે મારા ઘરેણાં તો છે પણ કોણ પહેરશે આ ઘરેણાં? અને કુટુંબની જે મિલકતો હતી ખાસ કરીને ઘર તે તો જીવવાના સંઘર્ષમાં અને મમ્મીના લગ્નમાં વેચાઈ ગયા, એક ઘર રહ્યું. એટલે જ ઘર ખરીદવા માટે ઘરેણાં વેચી કાઢતા તેમને મિનિટનો પણ વિચાર નથી કર્યો.
Same with my father, my mother used to tell me, your father has seen very bad time, he lost his father at very young age, the Grand Father being a Brahmin community was doing work of all the kind of religious procedures like marriage, worshiping, the after death procedures and such. Being Brahmin that time he ( Grand Father- we have never seen him) used to go to ask flour house to house, it is mainly the raw material to make food at home. My father lost her mother when they all were very young ( that was also during the child birth). So my mother told me that they have gone through hunger. Later on my father’s sister who got married at Kolkata she called brothers there. After marriage my mother was staying at Kolkata and then they were called back to Ahmedabad. That was or could be one major reason that my father also loves children and particularly girls.
મારા પિતાની પરિસ્થિતિ કઈ આનાથી વિપરીત નહતી. મમ્મી હંમેશા કહેતી કે તારા પપ્પા એ બહુ જ ખરાબ સમય જોયો છે, એમને એમના માતા પિતા ને બહુજ નાની ઉમર માં ગુમાવ્યા. દાદાજી યજમાન વૃતિ નું ( બ્રાહ્મણનું) કામ કરે એટલે મોટા ભાગે સીધા સમાન ઉપર ઘર ચાલે અને દાદા ઘેર ઘેર લોટ માંગવા પણ જાય. બ્રાહ્મણ માટે આ લોટ માંગીને ખાવું એ તો સામાન્ય બાબત હતી ત્યારે જોકે અત્યારે તો આપણને અજુગતું લાગે. મારા પિતા એ એમની માં ને બહુ નાની ઉમરે ગુમાવ્યા, ( એ પણ છેલ્લી સુવાવડ માં જ ગયા તેવું મા એ કહ્યું હતું ) એટલે એમને બહુ ભૂખમરો જોયો હતો. પણ પછી એમની એકની એક બહેન કે જેમના લગ્ન કલકત્તા માં થયા હતા તેમને ભાઈઓને કલકત્તા બોલાવ્યા. લગ્ન પછી મમ્મી કલકત્તા જ ગયેલ અને પછી ફરી બા એકલા હોતા તેઓ અમદાવાદ આવ્યા અને સ્થાયી થયા. એજ એક મોટું કારણ હોય કે પપ્પા ને પણ બાળકો બહુ વહાલા હતા અને ખાસ કરીને છોકરીઓ.
Our native place is Anjar in Kutch, now it is known because of worst ever Earthquake. Yes, this was the second earthquake experienced by our family members; my father was not there to experience though.
અમારું વતન એ અંજાર છે, અત્યારે તો સૌ કોઈ આ ગામને જાણે છે, ભૂકંપ ને કારણે જ તો. પણ અમારા કુટુંબમાં તો ઘણા એ અગાઉ નો ભૂકંપ જોયો છે જોકે, પણ મારા પિતા તે વખતે ( ૨૦૦૧ માં) હયાત હતા નહિ.
Very few people knew that we have lost no. of family members with blood relationship on the day of earthquake in 2001 in Anjar. It was coincidence that I was working in Kutch district but in the western part. I left the house the early morning on 27th for the immediate relief work and rehabilitation work. I am telling the truth I was not having any idea that time that what amount of devastation I was going to experience and what would be the scale of work. That time I was going through the extreme back ache problem ( my age that time was 30) and I just returned home after 15 days of “aryuvedic” treatment with advise to take more rest. How can one take rest, I took no time to decide to rush.
ઘણા ઓછાને ખબર હશે કે અમે અમારા ઘણા આપ્તજનોને ભૂકંપ માં ગુમાવ્યા છે.નસીબજોગે કે એ જોગાનું જોગ કહેવાય તે વખતે હું કચ્છ માં જ કામ કરતી હતી જોકે પશ્ચિમ કચ્છ માં.મને બરાબર યાદ છે કે ૨૭ મી ના વહેલી સવારે હું અમદાવાદ થી કચ્છ જવા રવાના થઇ હતી, તત્કાલ રાહત કામ માટે અને પછી પુનઃવસન ના કામો માટે. હું સાચું કહું તો તે વખતે મે બિલકુલ અંદાજ હતો નહિ કે આ ભૂકંપની કેટલી વ્યાપકતા કે વિનાશક્તાનું રૂપ હું જોવા જઈ રહી છુ અને કેવડું મોટુ કામ હશે ! એ વખતે પણ હું કમર ના દર્દ થી ખુબ જ પીડાતી ( મારી ઉમર એ વખતે ૩૦ હતી) હતી અને ૧૫ દિવસ આર્યુવેદિક સારવાર કરાવીને પાછી જ આવી હતી એવી સલાહ સાથે કે મારે ખુબ જ આરામ કરવો. કેવી રીતે કોઈ આરામ કરે આવા વખતે, મે તો એક મીનીટ નો ય વિચાર કર્યો નહિ ને કચ્છ ભણી દોડી...!
Uff, I have gone in to the deep memories of my days in Kutch and I think right now I am holding myself to write about that. But I promise I will share about that for sure.
કચ્છ નું નામ પડતા જ મારી ઘણી યાદો તાજી થઇ અને મન તે વિષે લખવા પ્રેરાયું પણ મે એને રોકયુ પણ હું વચન આપું છુ કે હું લખીશ ચોક્કસ.
Clear cut deal with God:
Well this is routine deal at home. When anything happens first thing my mother will do is to pray God and make deal with God, if everything will be all right she will offer 2 candles ( Indian lamps), second thing she would do is “najar utaro” means as per her our belief the bad aura or a aura of a bad eyes. So with small practice she believes it will go away. We all now started believing in her these two practices. She has tremendous trust on God. God always listens to her. Her demand is reasonable though, she never asked for crores of rupees.
ભગવાન સાથેના સોદાઓ/ડીલ- મારી મમ્મીની: ( આ સામાન્ય બાબત છે જોકે): જયારે કઈ પણ થાય માઠું જ તો, એટલે એ બે કામ પહેલા કરે, એક તો ભગવાન પાસે બે દીવા કરવાની બધા રાખે જ રાખે, અને બીજી નજર ઉતારે- જો કોઈ બીમાર પડ્યું હોય તો. હવે તો અમે બધા પણ એમાં માનવા જ માંડ્યા છીએ. એને ભગવાન ઉપર ખુબ જ અને અતિ શ્રદ્ધા છે. જોકે ભગવાન એનું સાંભળે પણ ખરા હો, અને એની માંગણી પણ વ્યાજબી જ હોય જોકે એને કઈ કરોડો રૂપિયા થોડા જોઈએ છે?
Only Mother in illness who else?
માંદગી માં તો માં જ ને :
She used to spend night with me, in the hospital. MY pain was not improving and according to Doctor it should have been improved. He can not continue pain killers, so he was very sure that I was not cooperating, I was not following his instructions. In the night I used to sleep on side, I developed sugar so my legs were paining a lot so I was not able to sleep strait. So Doctor was very furious on my mother, and he scolded her, according to him she is not the right person to spend night because she is really a sensitive person and she can’t control me. I fought with Doctor and told him not to scold my Mother just because your treatment is not working.
એ હોસ્પિટલ માં રાત્રે મારી સાથે સુઈ જાય. મારું દર્દ ઓછુ થતું જ નહતું અને ડોક્ટર ના માટે થવંo જોઈતું હતું. ડોક્ટર મને લાંબા સમય સુધી દુખાવા માં રાહતની દવા આપી શકે નહિ એટલે એમને થોડી શંકા ગઈ કે હું એમને બરાબર સાથ નથી આપતી, એમની કહેલી સંભાળ રાખતી નથી. હા, હું રાત્રે પડખું ફરી જતી હતી, મને એ વખતે જ સુગર ( શર્કરા) વધી જવાથી પગમાં અત્યંત દુખાવો રહેતો એટલે હું સીધા સુઈ જ શક્તિ નહિ. આમેય મને એ વાત નો ખ્યાલ નહોતો કે મારા માટે સીધા સુવું એ બહુ જ અઘરી બાબત હતી. એટલે ડોક્ટર ને લાગ્યું કે મારી માં કારણકે એ બહુ જ માયાળુ અને લાગણીશીલ છે એ મારી સાથે સુવા માટે યોગ્ય વ્યક્તિ નથી અને એ મારી માં ને બરાબર વઢયા. એટલે પથારી માં પડ્યા પડ્યા એ આપણે ડોક્ટર સાથે જગ્ડાયા. આમેય બીજાના વાંક ગુના કાઢવામાં વાર નાં લાગે એટલે મે એમને જણાવ્યુ કે તમારી ટ્રીટમેન્ટ જ કામ કરી નથી રહી એનો ગુસ્સો મારી માં ઉપર શા માટે?
It was shame for me that at this age I should be serving my mother but she was and is serving me. Do you know one thing? My most of the dispute and disagreement is always with my mother? It is very obvious you fight and feel to disagree with the person whom you love most and also to whom you are always close and near with. We feel there is right to do. Mother never keeps apart her children just because of these dispute or disagreements.
મારે માટે આનાથી વધારે શરમની વાત કઈ કહેવાય જે ઉંમરે મારે મારી માની સેવા કરવી જોઈએ તે ઉંમરે મારી માં મારી સેવા કરે છે.
મારે સૌથી વધારે ઝગડા અને અસંમતી જો કોઈની સાથે હોય તો તે મારી માં સાથે છે. મને લાગે છે કે અહિંસક ઝગડા અને અસમંતી પણ આપણે જેને સૌથી વધારે પ્રેમ કરતા હોય તેની સાથે જ હોય તે સ્વાભાવિક અને જેની સૌથી નજીક રહેતા હોય તેની સાથે તે પણ એ પણ સ્વાભાવિક. એક હક હોય છે, પણ આવા ઝગડા કે વિવાદો ને કારણે કઈ માં પોતાના ને પોતાનાથી અલગ નથી કરતા કઈ?
She hardly could get her education ( Four class). She used to share with me about her education. She was enrolled in the school in Dhrangdhra, but my mother is the only child, and it was also after 20 years of marriage of her parents, (Nana/Ba and Nani) so Ba was very possessive about her only girl child. She will always worried about my mother and if she return home even little late, Mother always found her (Ba) at the door waiting with angry face. Ba used to call back my mother from the school during the school time only to perform many tasks because she was alone at home. Then after time was becoming critical and they have to do migration in search of work in Ahmedabad. So study was left.
મારી માં એનું ભણતર પૂરૂ કરી શકી નહિ ( ચાર ચોપડી). એ અમને બધાને એના ભણતર કેમ અધૂરું રહી ગયું તે જણાવતી. એને ધ્રાંગધ્રાની એક શાળામાં ભણવા જતી. પણ મારી મમ્મી એ એના માતા પિતાનું એક માત્ર સંતાન, અને એ પણ લગ્ન ના ૨૦ વર્ષે, એટલે બા એક તો છોકરી અને પાછી એક ની એક ખુબ જ ચિંતા માં રહે, એ શાળાએ થી જો બે મીનીટ પણ મોડી આવે તો બા લાકડી લઇ ને ઉભા જ હોય. બા મારી માને ચાલુ શાળાએ જ ઘરના ઘણા બધા કામો કરવા દોડાવે કારણ એ એકલા હતા. એ પછી તો પરિસ્થિતિ બગડતી ચાલી અને એમને કામ ની શોધ માં સ્થળાંતર પણ કરવું પડ્યું. એટલે ભણતર રેઢું રહ્યું.
So Nani ( her mother) used to stay with us, and we all have been grown up by her. She was having child after the 20 years of her marriage, at that time if you don’t have child after marriage was not considered good. So that is one of the reasons that she loves the children. My Nani has seen very tough time in her life. My nana ( mother’s father) was not keeping well, he was working in textile mill in Ahmedabad in Saraspur area. The Nani and Mother used to do domestic work in nearby houses, used to grind chili to make it powder etc for survival. She ( Nani- Granma) lost her husband at very young age. She was able to make assets in terms of houses in Dhrangdhra ( her village) and Gold ornaments in smaller income. However she was not aware who will wear the ornaments. However houses are sold in the struggle of survival and marriage of my mother. So whatever Gold left they have decided to use to buy own house.
આ કારણ થી જ બા અમારી સાથે જ રહેતા, અને અમારા બધાનો ઉછેર બા એ જ કર્યો. એ એવો સમય હતો જયારે લગ્ન પછી બાળક ના થાય તો જીવવું જ મુશ્કેલ બની જાય, અને બા ને એક જ સંતાન એટલે જ કદાચ અમે બા નો અઢળક પ્રેમ મેળવ્યો. બા નું જીવન ખુબ જ કઠીન હતું. મારા નાનાની તબિયત બિલકુલ સારી રહેતી નહતી. તેઓ અમદાવાદ ના સરસપુર વિસ્તારની એક મિલમાં જ કામ કરતા હતા. બા અને મમ્મી આસપાસ ના ઘરો માં વાસીદાં, ઠામ, અને મરચા ખાંડવા જેવા અનેક કામો કરતા. પણ નાના તો બાને છોડી ને ચાલી નીકળ્યા ધામમાં.. બા એ કાલા ફોલીને, લોકોના ઘરમાં કામ કરીને પણ બચત કરી ને થોડી ગણી મૂડી અને મિલકતો ઉભી કરી શકી હતી. પણ એમને હંમેશા થતું કે મારા ઘરેણાં તો છે પણ કોણ પહેરશે આ ઘરેણાં? અને કુટુંબની જે મિલકતો હતી ખાસ કરીને ઘર તે તો જીવવાના સંઘર્ષમાં અને મમ્મીના લગ્નમાં વેચાઈ ગયા, એક ઘર રહ્યું. એટલે જ ઘર ખરીદવા માટે ઘરેણાં વેચી કાઢતા તેમને મિનિટનો પણ વિચાર નથી કર્યો.
Same with my father, my mother used to tell me, your father has seen very bad time, he lost his father at very young age, the Grand Father being a Brahmin community was doing work of all the kind of religious procedures like marriage, worshiping, the after death procedures and such. Being Brahmin that time he ( Grand Father- we have never seen him) used to go to ask flour house to house, it is mainly the raw material to make food at home. My father lost her mother when they all were very young ( that was also during the child birth). So my mother told me that they have gone through hunger. Later on my father’s sister who got married at Kolkata she called brothers there. After marriage my mother was staying at Kolkata and then they were called back to Ahmedabad. That was or could be one major reason that my father also loves children and particularly girls.
મારા પિતાની પરિસ્થિતિ કઈ આનાથી વિપરીત નહતી. મમ્મી હંમેશા કહેતી કે તારા પપ્પા એ બહુ જ ખરાબ સમય જોયો છે, એમને એમના માતા પિતા ને બહુજ નાની ઉમર માં ગુમાવ્યા. દાદાજી યજમાન વૃતિ નું ( બ્રાહ્મણનું) કામ કરે એટલે મોટા ભાગે સીધા સમાન ઉપર ઘર ચાલે અને દાદા ઘેર ઘેર લોટ માંગવા પણ જાય. બ્રાહ્મણ માટે આ લોટ માંગીને ખાવું એ તો સામાન્ય બાબત હતી ત્યારે જોકે અત્યારે તો આપણને અજુગતું લાગે. મારા પિતા એ એમની માં ને બહુ નાની ઉમરે ગુમાવ્યા, ( એ પણ છેલ્લી સુવાવડ માં જ ગયા તેવું મા એ કહ્યું હતું ) એટલે એમને બહુ ભૂખમરો જોયો હતો. પણ પછી એમની એકની એક બહેન કે જેમના લગ્ન કલકત્તા માં થયા હતા તેમને ભાઈઓને કલકત્તા બોલાવ્યા. લગ્ન પછી મમ્મી કલકત્તા જ ગયેલ અને પછી ફરી બા એકલા હોતા તેઓ અમદાવાદ આવ્યા અને સ્થાયી થયા. એજ એક મોટું કારણ હોય કે પપ્પા ને પણ બાળકો બહુ વહાલા હતા અને ખાસ કરીને છોકરીઓ.
Our native place is Anjar in Kutch, now it is known because of worst ever Earthquake. Yes, this was the second earthquake experienced by our family members; my father was not there to experience though.
અમારું વતન એ અંજાર છે, અત્યારે તો સૌ કોઈ આ ગામને જાણે છે, ભૂકંપ ને કારણે જ તો. પણ અમારા કુટુંબમાં તો ઘણા એ અગાઉ નો ભૂકંપ જોયો છે જોકે, પણ મારા પિતા તે વખતે ( ૨૦૦૧ માં) હયાત હતા નહિ.
Very few people knew that we have lost no. of family members with blood relationship on the day of earthquake in 2001 in Anjar. It was coincidence that I was working in Kutch district but in the western part. I left the house the early morning on 27th for the immediate relief work and rehabilitation work. I am telling the truth I was not having any idea that time that what amount of devastation I was going to experience and what would be the scale of work. That time I was going through the extreme back ache problem ( my age that time was 30) and I just returned home after 15 days of “aryuvedic” treatment with advise to take more rest. How can one take rest, I took no time to decide to rush.
ઘણા ઓછાને ખબર હશે કે અમે અમારા ઘણા આપ્તજનોને ભૂકંપ માં ગુમાવ્યા છે.નસીબજોગે કે એ જોગાનું જોગ કહેવાય તે વખતે હું કચ્છ માં જ કામ કરતી હતી જોકે પશ્ચિમ કચ્છ માં.મને બરાબર યાદ છે કે ૨૭ મી ના વહેલી સવારે હું અમદાવાદ થી કચ્છ જવા રવાના થઇ હતી, તત્કાલ રાહત કામ માટે અને પછી પુનઃવસન ના કામો માટે. હું સાચું કહું તો તે વખતે મે બિલકુલ અંદાજ હતો નહિ કે આ ભૂકંપની કેટલી વ્યાપકતા કે વિનાશક્તાનું રૂપ હું જોવા જઈ રહી છુ અને કેવડું મોટુ કામ હશે ! એ વખતે પણ હું કમર ના દર્દ થી ખુબ જ પીડાતી ( મારી ઉમર એ વખતે ૩૦ હતી) હતી અને ૧૫ દિવસ આર્યુવેદિક સારવાર કરાવીને પાછી જ આવી હતી એવી સલાહ સાથે કે મારે ખુબ જ આરામ કરવો. કેવી રીતે કોઈ આરામ કરે આવા વખતે, મે તો એક મીનીટ નો ય વિચાર કર્યો નહિ ને કચ્છ ભણી દોડી...!
Uff, I have gone in to the deep memories of my days in Kutch and I think right now I am holding myself to write about that. But I promise I will share about that for sure.
કચ્છ નું નામ પડતા જ મારી ઘણી યાદો તાજી થઇ અને મન તે વિષે લખવા પ્રેરાયું પણ મે એને રોકયુ પણ હું વચન આપું છુ કે હું લખીશ ચોક્કસ.
રવિવાર, 4 જુલાઈ, 2010
Struggle? Not really 3
The word “Mother” is the enough and there is no need to write about any mother, at least I am incapable of writing about her. For me my mother is the most ideal and capable person and she is the source of inspiration. Whatever I am today and whatever I have done is just because of her silent, humble contribution to my life. I could achieve whatever little in my professional life with her support, she never ask many questions like, what do you do, where are you going, what are you earning? Etc. because she trusts her own blood.
“માં” શબ્દ જ ઘણું બધું કહેવા માટે પુરતો છે, અને એના વિષે કઈ કહેવું અને કઈ લખવું એ બહુ મોટો પડકાર છે, કમ સે કમ હું તો લખવા માટે અસમર્થ જ છુ. મારા માટે મારી માં જ હમેશા મારો આદર્શ અને પ્રેરણા છે, દુનિયા માં કોઈ સૌથી સમર્થ વ્યક્તિ હોય તો મારી માં જ હોઈ શકે. આજે હું કઈ પણ છુ તે મારી માં નો ફાળો છે, એકદમ નમ્ર અને શાંત કહેવાય એવો ફાળો. હું જે પણ કઈ મારી વ્યવસાયિક જીવન માં હાંસલ કરી શકી છુ તે તેના જ સતત સહકાર ને કારણે જ છે, એણે ક્યારેય મને એવા કોઈ પ્રશ્નો પૂછ્યા નથી જેમ કે, ક્યાં જાય છે, શું કામ કરે છે, કેટલા પૈસા મળે વિગેરે. કારણ એને પોતાના લોહીમાં જ વિશ્વાસ હતો.
My mother was always having one big complaint that I am not spending enough time with her. She always has lot to share and tell but as usual I was having that popular answer “no time Mammi”. I used to leave house little late, but it was because I am night person, I used to wake up late, and my day starts late. Everything used to be ready i.e. food and etc. So I can leave the home and perform my duties. I really do not know how to manage my work, and never wear watch so I don’t know what time I should leave the office. Result is that I come home very late, and when I entered the home I need food first, it is another matter that I never feel like eating or feeling of hunger when I am at office, but as soon as I enter the home I can’t speak anything but I need food. (According to my Bhabhi- Brother’s wife, for me home is like Yatri nivas- guest house, and I use it only for food and bed)
મારી માં ને હમેશા એક જ ફરિયાદ રહેતી, કે હું એને સમય જ નથી આપતી, એને બહુ જ કહેવું હોય, પણ મારો એજ પ્રચલિત જવાબ હોય “મમ્મી હમણાં નહિ સમય જ નથી પછી વાત કરીશું”. હું સવારે ઓફિસે થોડા મોડા જ જાઉં, કારણ કે હું મોડી ઉઠવા વાળી, મારા ભાઈ ના શબ્દમાં “સૂર્યવંશી”. કારણ કે હું રાત્રે કામ કરવા માં જ માનું તેથી ઉઠું મોડી, એટલે મારો દિવસ મોડો શરુ થાય. ઓફીસ જવા તૈયાર થાઉં ત્યારે તો બધું જ તૈયાર હોય, ખાવાનું અને બધું જ જેથી હું મારું કામ વ્યવસ્થિત રીતે કરી શકું. મને મારા કામ ને કેવી રીતે બરાબર મેનેજ કરવું તે આવડે નહિ કદાચ એટલે જ મને કયા સમયે ઓફિસે થી ઉઠી ને ઘેર આવવું તે ખબર જ નાં પડે, જેના પરિણામે ઘરે મોડા જવાનું. જેવી ઘર માં પ્રવેશું ત્યારે સૌ પહેલા મને ભુખ જ લાગી હોય, અને એ બીજી વાત છે કે દિવસ દરમિયાન કે કામ સમયે મને ભુખ જેવી લાગણી નાં થાય, પણ જેવા ઘરમાં પ્રવેશીએ એટલે ખાવા જ જોઈએ, કઈ જ બોલવા ચાલવાનું ભાન જ કે તાકાત જ નાં હોય. ( મારા ભાભી નાં માટે મારા માટે ઘર એ એક ધરમશાળા છે જેનો હું સુવા અને ખાવા માટે જ ઉપયોગ કરું છુ.)
Most of the time I used to enter the home with phone in my hand ( today I hate using mobile phone but that time I was feeling myself incomplete without mobile phone) and continues till late. I very much remember many time my dinner and changing of cloths etc are done with conversation on phone. We used to work with international agencies so they start their day when we finish our day, so there is no question of winding up earlier or you cant. My day always spent with no. of meetings so I will have to spend some time for creating writing, and emails etc in night, and that’s it again I don’t know where to stop, my energy increases in the night. Again I forcibly have to shut down the computer when my mother used to shout in the mid sleep. I used to work with computer in the room where she used to sleep.
મોટા ભાગે ઘર માં પ્રવેશું ત્યારે ફોન ઉપર વાત ચાલતી જ હોય અને ઘણી વાર તો ખાવાનું, કપડા બદલવાનું વિગેરે કામો ફોન કોલ ચાલતો હોય ત્યારે જ કરતી તેવું મને યાદ છે. ( અત્યારે તો મને મોબાઈલ ફોન કે ફોન ઉપર જ નફરત છે, જોકે પણ ત્યારે તો જાણે ફોન વગર આપનું જીવન અધૂરું જ હતું ). અમે આંતરરાષ્ટ્રીય સંસ્થાઓ સાથે કામ કરીએ એટલે આપણી ઓફીસ નો સમય જયારે ખતમ થાય ત્યારે એમનો શરુ થાય એટેલે આપણો સમય પુરો થયો એવું ગણાય જ નહિ.દિવસ દરમિયાન મીટીંગો માં જાય કે જાત જાત ના કામ માં એટલે રાત્રે લખવાના અને ઈ મેઈલ ના કામો કરવા જ રહ્યા અને એમાંય ક્યાં કામ અટકાવવું તેજ ખબર નાં પડે, મારી શક્તિઓ રાત્રે જ ખીલે મને સુઝ જ રાત્રે પડે. એટલે ફરી મારે ના છુટકે મમ્મી અડધી રાત્રે જયારે ઊંઘ માં ને ઊંઘ માં બુમ પાડે એટલે બંધ કરું પડે. હું મમ્મી જે રૂમ માં સુઈ જાય તે જ રૂમ માં એના માથા ઉપર જ કોમ્પુટર ઉપર કામ કરું.
When I was ill I realized her life has not changed, she was struggling earlier and she is still struggling. My mother’s day will never change, I very much remember when I was studying, my entire education was in our kitchen in old house and was having habit of speaking loudly, the house was like a railway coach, so the light always used to flash on mammy and papa who used to slip in the middle room on ground. My father badly hate light, but I very much remember he never used to say anything because he knew study was important. Even today the situation of my mother is same but here, not for her discomfort but just she was worried about my health. “ even big people also goes to home on time and sleep on time but look at you?”
જયારે હું બીમાર હતી ત્યારે મને એ વાતનો બરાબર આભાસ થયો કે મારી માં નું જીવન જરા પણ બદલાયું નથી, પહેલા પણ એ સંઘર્ષ કરી રહી હતી અને આજે પણ એ સંઘર્ષ કરી રહી છે. મારી માં ના દિવસો કદાચ ક્યારેય નહિ બદલાય? મને બરાબર યાદ છે જયારે હું ભણતી હતી, રસોડા માં જ ભણવાનું અને રસોડા નો પ્રકાશ સીધો બીજા રૂમ માં જમીન ઉપર સુતેલ મારા મમ્મી અને પપ્પા ના મો ઉપર જ પડતો. એ ઘર ટ્રેઈન નાં ડબ્બા જેવું હતું એટલે. મારા પપ્પાને પ્રકાશ/ લાઈટ થી નફરત હતી પણ ક્યારેય એ મને કશું બોલ્યા ના હતા, કારણકે એમના માટે ભણતર વધારે મહત્વ નું હતું. આજે પણ મારી માં ની પરિસ્થિતિ એ જ છે, પણ આજે એને ચિંતા એની અગવડ માટે ન રહેતી પણ મારા આરોગ્ય માટે રહેતી. “મોટા મોટા લોકો ( કરોડો કમાનાર) પણ ઘેર સમયસર પહોચી જાય છે અને સમયસર સુઈ જાય છે અને તું?
So due to my illness there is no need to say anything but, my mother was the most worried person. We spent lot of time, we really talked a lot and I asked her lot of thing about her child hood etc. She was having captured “Mona”.
In any case in the sickness I always need my mother with me any how. During these all time she was with me always and there was not a single day where she may have felt relaxed. For Mother, children are always on priority. All her set programmes got disturbed, to go to Temple, to go to attend the “path” on every Thursday, To go to “Bhajan” on “agiaaras” or that sort of holy day, and Diwali and event or any celebration related to Diwali.
Well nobody could enjoy Diwali at home, how could they? I will never forget this last Diwali, this was the Diwali for which I have received the biggest and most important gift, or greetings, or best wishes or sweet, which has pushed me in to trauma and shock. During those days I used to close my eyes and think this should be the end of life. But when I think about the life of many including my Mother I thought I am really immature to give such a bad and negative thought, I am not the person who give up without doing any efforts.
I realized my Mother was so well organizes and all her tasks during the day are so set, she respects time, and so punctual ( shame on me- I am never punctual/was) if she is not reaching on time she will not attend any event or function. Every day sharp at 7 p.m. is the time for Mummi to watch the Gujarati News and nobody can come in between her and T.V. she will go furious.
એટલે મારી માંદગી ના સમયે કઈ કહેવાની થોડી જરૂર હોય કે મારી માં સૌથી વધુ ચિંતિત રહેતી. અમે ઘણો સમય જોડે વિતાવ્યો, ઘણી વાતો કરી, અને મે એને એની ઘણી બાળપણની વાતો પણ પૂછી. આખરે ને એક બંધાયેલ “મોના “ મળી ગઈ. અને કોઈ પણ માંદગી ના સમયે મને માં જ જોઈએ. મારી માંદગી ના સમયે એ હમેશા મારી સાથે હતી અને એવો એકપણ દિવસ નથી કે એને ક્યારેય “હાશ” અનુભવી હોય. માં ના માટે તો છોકરો જ અગ્રીમતા હોય ને? એના બધા જ કાર્યક્રમોમાં વિક્ષેપ પડ્યો, દરરોજ સવારે મંદિર જવાનું, દર ગુરુવારે પાઠ માં જવાનું, અગીઆરસ કે એવા દિવસો એ ભજન માં જવાનું, દિવાળી અને તેને લગતી તમામ બાબતો કે ઉજવણી. મને એ એહસાસ થયો કે મારી મમ્મી નો દિવસ બહુ જ ગોઠવાયેલો હોય છે, સમય સર બધું જ કરવાની અને સમય ની એટલી પાકી ( મને શરમ આવે હું ક્યારેય નથી), અગર સમયસર નાં પહોચાય તો એ કોઈ જગ્યા એ કે પાઠ માં જાય જ નહી. સાંજે સાત વાગે સમાચાર જોવા એટલે જોવા અને એમાં જો કોઈ પણ વચ્ચે ખલેલ પાડે તો માનો મીજાસ જોવા જેવો.
ખેર, ઘરમાં કોઈએ પણ દિવાળી ઉજવી નહિ અને ઉજવે પણ કેવી રીતે? હું તો આ પાછલી દિવાળી ને ક્યારેય નહિ ભૂલું કોઈ ખાસ કારણ માટે. આ દિવાળીએ જ મે જીવનની બહુ મોટી શુભેચ્છા, કે દિવાળી ભેટ કે મીઠાઈ કહી શકાય તે મેળવી. બસ મારા માટે આખી દુનિયા થંભી ગઈ. એ દિવસોમાં હું આંખ બંધ કરી ને વિચારતી કે હે ભગવાન બસ હવે આ આંખો ખુલે જ નહિ તો કેવું સારું? પણ પછી જયારે હું બીજા ઘણાને જોવું તેમની પીડાને જોઉં અને મારી પોતાની માં વિષે જ યાદ કરું તો મને લાગ્યું કે આવો ગંદો અને નકારાત્મક વિચાર એ મારી અપરિપક્વતા જ કહેવાય અને હું કઈ એવી વ્યક્તિ નથી કે કશાય પ્રયત્નો વગર હું બસ હથિયાર હેઠા મૂકી દઉં.
“માં” શબ્દ જ ઘણું બધું કહેવા માટે પુરતો છે, અને એના વિષે કઈ કહેવું અને કઈ લખવું એ બહુ મોટો પડકાર છે, કમ સે કમ હું તો લખવા માટે અસમર્થ જ છુ. મારા માટે મારી માં જ હમેશા મારો આદર્શ અને પ્રેરણા છે, દુનિયા માં કોઈ સૌથી સમર્થ વ્યક્તિ હોય તો મારી માં જ હોઈ શકે. આજે હું કઈ પણ છુ તે મારી માં નો ફાળો છે, એકદમ નમ્ર અને શાંત કહેવાય એવો ફાળો. હું જે પણ કઈ મારી વ્યવસાયિક જીવન માં હાંસલ કરી શકી છુ તે તેના જ સતત સહકાર ને કારણે જ છે, એણે ક્યારેય મને એવા કોઈ પ્રશ્નો પૂછ્યા નથી જેમ કે, ક્યાં જાય છે, શું કામ કરે છે, કેટલા પૈસા મળે વિગેરે. કારણ એને પોતાના લોહીમાં જ વિશ્વાસ હતો.
My mother was always having one big complaint that I am not spending enough time with her. She always has lot to share and tell but as usual I was having that popular answer “no time Mammi”. I used to leave house little late, but it was because I am night person, I used to wake up late, and my day starts late. Everything used to be ready i.e. food and etc. So I can leave the home and perform my duties. I really do not know how to manage my work, and never wear watch so I don’t know what time I should leave the office. Result is that I come home very late, and when I entered the home I need food first, it is another matter that I never feel like eating or feeling of hunger when I am at office, but as soon as I enter the home I can’t speak anything but I need food. (According to my Bhabhi- Brother’s wife, for me home is like Yatri nivas- guest house, and I use it only for food and bed)
મારી માં ને હમેશા એક જ ફરિયાદ રહેતી, કે હું એને સમય જ નથી આપતી, એને બહુ જ કહેવું હોય, પણ મારો એજ પ્રચલિત જવાબ હોય “મમ્મી હમણાં નહિ સમય જ નથી પછી વાત કરીશું”. હું સવારે ઓફિસે થોડા મોડા જ જાઉં, કારણ કે હું મોડી ઉઠવા વાળી, મારા ભાઈ ના શબ્દમાં “સૂર્યવંશી”. કારણ કે હું રાત્રે કામ કરવા માં જ માનું તેથી ઉઠું મોડી, એટલે મારો દિવસ મોડો શરુ થાય. ઓફીસ જવા તૈયાર થાઉં ત્યારે તો બધું જ તૈયાર હોય, ખાવાનું અને બધું જ જેથી હું મારું કામ વ્યવસ્થિત રીતે કરી શકું. મને મારા કામ ને કેવી રીતે બરાબર મેનેજ કરવું તે આવડે નહિ કદાચ એટલે જ મને કયા સમયે ઓફિસે થી ઉઠી ને ઘેર આવવું તે ખબર જ નાં પડે, જેના પરિણામે ઘરે મોડા જવાનું. જેવી ઘર માં પ્રવેશું ત્યારે સૌ પહેલા મને ભુખ જ લાગી હોય, અને એ બીજી વાત છે કે દિવસ દરમિયાન કે કામ સમયે મને ભુખ જેવી લાગણી નાં થાય, પણ જેવા ઘરમાં પ્રવેશીએ એટલે ખાવા જ જોઈએ, કઈ જ બોલવા ચાલવાનું ભાન જ કે તાકાત જ નાં હોય. ( મારા ભાભી નાં માટે મારા માટે ઘર એ એક ધરમશાળા છે જેનો હું સુવા અને ખાવા માટે જ ઉપયોગ કરું છુ.)
Most of the time I used to enter the home with phone in my hand ( today I hate using mobile phone but that time I was feeling myself incomplete without mobile phone) and continues till late. I very much remember many time my dinner and changing of cloths etc are done with conversation on phone. We used to work with international agencies so they start their day when we finish our day, so there is no question of winding up earlier or you cant. My day always spent with no. of meetings so I will have to spend some time for creating writing, and emails etc in night, and that’s it again I don’t know where to stop, my energy increases in the night. Again I forcibly have to shut down the computer when my mother used to shout in the mid sleep. I used to work with computer in the room where she used to sleep.
મોટા ભાગે ઘર માં પ્રવેશું ત્યારે ફોન ઉપર વાત ચાલતી જ હોય અને ઘણી વાર તો ખાવાનું, કપડા બદલવાનું વિગેરે કામો ફોન કોલ ચાલતો હોય ત્યારે જ કરતી તેવું મને યાદ છે. ( અત્યારે તો મને મોબાઈલ ફોન કે ફોન ઉપર જ નફરત છે, જોકે પણ ત્યારે તો જાણે ફોન વગર આપનું જીવન અધૂરું જ હતું ). અમે આંતરરાષ્ટ્રીય સંસ્થાઓ સાથે કામ કરીએ એટલે આપણી ઓફીસ નો સમય જયારે ખતમ થાય ત્યારે એમનો શરુ થાય એટેલે આપણો સમય પુરો થયો એવું ગણાય જ નહિ.દિવસ દરમિયાન મીટીંગો માં જાય કે જાત જાત ના કામ માં એટલે રાત્રે લખવાના અને ઈ મેઈલ ના કામો કરવા જ રહ્યા અને એમાંય ક્યાં કામ અટકાવવું તેજ ખબર નાં પડે, મારી શક્તિઓ રાત્રે જ ખીલે મને સુઝ જ રાત્રે પડે. એટલે ફરી મારે ના છુટકે મમ્મી અડધી રાત્રે જયારે ઊંઘ માં ને ઊંઘ માં બુમ પાડે એટલે બંધ કરું પડે. હું મમ્મી જે રૂમ માં સુઈ જાય તે જ રૂમ માં એના માથા ઉપર જ કોમ્પુટર ઉપર કામ કરું.
When I was ill I realized her life has not changed, she was struggling earlier and she is still struggling. My mother’s day will never change, I very much remember when I was studying, my entire education was in our kitchen in old house and was having habit of speaking loudly, the house was like a railway coach, so the light always used to flash on mammy and papa who used to slip in the middle room on ground. My father badly hate light, but I very much remember he never used to say anything because he knew study was important. Even today the situation of my mother is same but here, not for her discomfort but just she was worried about my health. “ even big people also goes to home on time and sleep on time but look at you?”
જયારે હું બીમાર હતી ત્યારે મને એ વાતનો બરાબર આભાસ થયો કે મારી માં નું જીવન જરા પણ બદલાયું નથી, પહેલા પણ એ સંઘર્ષ કરી રહી હતી અને આજે પણ એ સંઘર્ષ કરી રહી છે. મારી માં ના દિવસો કદાચ ક્યારેય નહિ બદલાય? મને બરાબર યાદ છે જયારે હું ભણતી હતી, રસોડા માં જ ભણવાનું અને રસોડા નો પ્રકાશ સીધો બીજા રૂમ માં જમીન ઉપર સુતેલ મારા મમ્મી અને પપ્પા ના મો ઉપર જ પડતો. એ ઘર ટ્રેઈન નાં ડબ્બા જેવું હતું એટલે. મારા પપ્પાને પ્રકાશ/ લાઈટ થી નફરત હતી પણ ક્યારેય એ મને કશું બોલ્યા ના હતા, કારણકે એમના માટે ભણતર વધારે મહત્વ નું હતું. આજે પણ મારી માં ની પરિસ્થિતિ એ જ છે, પણ આજે એને ચિંતા એની અગવડ માટે ન રહેતી પણ મારા આરોગ્ય માટે રહેતી. “મોટા મોટા લોકો ( કરોડો કમાનાર) પણ ઘેર સમયસર પહોચી જાય છે અને સમયસર સુઈ જાય છે અને તું?
So due to my illness there is no need to say anything but, my mother was the most worried person. We spent lot of time, we really talked a lot and I asked her lot of thing about her child hood etc. She was having captured “Mona”.
In any case in the sickness I always need my mother with me any how. During these all time she was with me always and there was not a single day where she may have felt relaxed. For Mother, children are always on priority. All her set programmes got disturbed, to go to Temple, to go to attend the “path” on every Thursday, To go to “Bhajan” on “agiaaras” or that sort of holy day, and Diwali and event or any celebration related to Diwali.
Well nobody could enjoy Diwali at home, how could they? I will never forget this last Diwali, this was the Diwali for which I have received the biggest and most important gift, or greetings, or best wishes or sweet, which has pushed me in to trauma and shock. During those days I used to close my eyes and think this should be the end of life. But when I think about the life of many including my Mother I thought I am really immature to give such a bad and negative thought, I am not the person who give up without doing any efforts.
I realized my Mother was so well organizes and all her tasks during the day are so set, she respects time, and so punctual ( shame on me- I am never punctual/was) if she is not reaching on time she will not attend any event or function. Every day sharp at 7 p.m. is the time for Mummi to watch the Gujarati News and nobody can come in between her and T.V. she will go furious.
એટલે મારી માંદગી ના સમયે કઈ કહેવાની થોડી જરૂર હોય કે મારી માં સૌથી વધુ ચિંતિત રહેતી. અમે ઘણો સમય જોડે વિતાવ્યો, ઘણી વાતો કરી, અને મે એને એની ઘણી બાળપણની વાતો પણ પૂછી. આખરે ને એક બંધાયેલ “મોના “ મળી ગઈ. અને કોઈ પણ માંદગી ના સમયે મને માં જ જોઈએ. મારી માંદગી ના સમયે એ હમેશા મારી સાથે હતી અને એવો એકપણ દિવસ નથી કે એને ક્યારેય “હાશ” અનુભવી હોય. માં ના માટે તો છોકરો જ અગ્રીમતા હોય ને? એના બધા જ કાર્યક્રમોમાં વિક્ષેપ પડ્યો, દરરોજ સવારે મંદિર જવાનું, દર ગુરુવારે પાઠ માં જવાનું, અગીઆરસ કે એવા દિવસો એ ભજન માં જવાનું, દિવાળી અને તેને લગતી તમામ બાબતો કે ઉજવણી. મને એ એહસાસ થયો કે મારી મમ્મી નો દિવસ બહુ જ ગોઠવાયેલો હોય છે, સમય સર બધું જ કરવાની અને સમય ની એટલી પાકી ( મને શરમ આવે હું ક્યારેય નથી), અગર સમયસર નાં પહોચાય તો એ કોઈ જગ્યા એ કે પાઠ માં જાય જ નહી. સાંજે સાત વાગે સમાચાર જોવા એટલે જોવા અને એમાં જો કોઈ પણ વચ્ચે ખલેલ પાડે તો માનો મીજાસ જોવા જેવો.
ખેર, ઘરમાં કોઈએ પણ દિવાળી ઉજવી નહિ અને ઉજવે પણ કેવી રીતે? હું તો આ પાછલી દિવાળી ને ક્યારેય નહિ ભૂલું કોઈ ખાસ કારણ માટે. આ દિવાળીએ જ મે જીવનની બહુ મોટી શુભેચ્છા, કે દિવાળી ભેટ કે મીઠાઈ કહી શકાય તે મેળવી. બસ મારા માટે આખી દુનિયા થંભી ગઈ. એ દિવસોમાં હું આંખ બંધ કરી ને વિચારતી કે હે ભગવાન બસ હવે આ આંખો ખુલે જ નહિ તો કેવું સારું? પણ પછી જયારે હું બીજા ઘણાને જોવું તેમની પીડાને જોઉં અને મારી પોતાની માં વિષે જ યાદ કરું તો મને લાગ્યું કે આવો ગંદો અને નકારાત્મક વિચાર એ મારી અપરિપક્વતા જ કહેવાય અને હું કઈ એવી વ્યક્તિ નથી કે કશાય પ્રયત્નો વગર હું બસ હથિયાર હેઠા મૂકી દઉં.
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