Yes I know its been long time that I was away from writing, but I am back, I was giving a thought on giving direction to my writing. I was reading some interesting book as well and again struggle for survival always.
Many more reasons and excuses.
Lot of thing is happening and happened. I promise will share it with you.
Today I would like to give tribute to my cousin brother, the person who only can call and have authority to call me "Mona Darling" and always smiling.... I and we lost him all of sudden on 26th January. It was unbelievable. I still hear "Mona Darling" around me. A very different kind of person always smiling and laughing, always was shouldering responsibilities as an older brother in family.
I love you my brother Harenbhai, I pray Peace for your soul.
Life is unpredictable, anything can happen anytime, and gradually we have to accept it. But does that mean we forgive everything and anything and anyone? Does that mean that we should be enjoying every moment of our life as if its not going to be there next moment?
Philosophically and therotically its sounds good but some time reality is that you have next moment, next day and next years to leave and some kind of enjoyment keeps on troubling you always.... When you forgive and forgot lot of thing that it is been considered that you have not learned you lessons and you are commiting the same mistakes.
I know I am back after a long time and its not with good news but I cant promise everything good goodi goodi....!!
સોમવાર, 31 જાન્યુઆરી, 2011
શુક્રવાર, 17 સપ્ટેમ્બર, 2010
What makes you happy Mom?
Thank you Mom!
Thank you Mom for always been so positive and stand in front of me as an ideal. With you in front of me I know what the values mean?
Do you know one thing Mom?- in my entire life uptill now I always been searching for the proper and nice gift for you, whenever I travelled to other cities in India or abroad, I try to find out and think a lot but I have not been able to decide and bring any gift which can makes you happy.
What you need is beyond my thought.
You always are happy if we are happy, when you feed us, when somebody appreciates us- your children, when you see you or your children are been asked help and they are been able to help somebody, you always feel proud.
“ What is there in the cloths? Everybody knows me, and persons are been recognized with their character and values not with the cloths” that is your pet and famous dialogue. You are the symbol of continuous work like a machine, I always found you working, if you sleep we all are uncomfortable. If you are having blood pressure and we say Mummy, I am hungry you will wake up and make food. You are the master of recycling.
I have tears in my eyes I know you were not happy seeing me in bed, I do apologies…! “None of my children are like me” is your another favorite sentence, yes its true, we will take another 7 birth to become like you, we are little selfish Mom.
Thank you Mom for always been so positive and stand in front of me as an ideal. With you in front of me I know what the values mean?
Do you know one thing Mom?- in my entire life uptill now I always been searching for the proper and nice gift for you, whenever I travelled to other cities in India or abroad, I try to find out and think a lot but I have not been able to decide and bring any gift which can makes you happy.
What you need is beyond my thought.
You always are happy if we are happy, when you feed us, when somebody appreciates us- your children, when you see you or your children are been asked help and they are been able to help somebody, you always feel proud.
“ What is there in the cloths? Everybody knows me, and persons are been recognized with their character and values not with the cloths” that is your pet and famous dialogue. You are the symbol of continuous work like a machine, I always found you working, if you sleep we all are uncomfortable. If you are having blood pressure and we say Mummy, I am hungry you will wake up and make food. You are the master of recycling.
I have tears in my eyes I know you were not happy seeing me in bed, I do apologies…! “None of my children are like me” is your another favorite sentence, yes its true, we will take another 7 birth to become like you, we are little selfish Mom.
Questioning values!
Values ? Question mark
But I just want to share that I was having some stupid thoughts when I fall ill. I was having questions on values. It is because I was able to handle the critical circumstances at the work front and handled but was not able to handle anything when I was ill. I was not able to take anything possitive. I realized I was able to do all the work because I was fit and my body never reacted, but I have never given any attention to myself, to my body and have never listen to it. I was never serious even when I was having tablets of blood pressure at the age of 30!
Earlier I was not having any wishes, but now I have wishes and type of wish has changed. I started feeling lacking in my life……! Yes I know -values are not which changes with circumstances, infect the values which are maintained in critical circumstances are true values. But I have questions on values it self. But thankfully I always have my mother in front of me and when I look at my mother, question mark turned to full stop. She is always firm in any critical time and no compromise on values.
But I just want to share that I was having some stupid thoughts when I fall ill. I was having questions on values. It is because I was able to handle the critical circumstances at the work front and handled but was not able to handle anything when I was ill. I was not able to take anything possitive. I realized I was able to do all the work because I was fit and my body never reacted, but I have never given any attention to myself, to my body and have never listen to it. I was never serious even when I was having tablets of blood pressure at the age of 30!
Earlier I was not having any wishes, but now I have wishes and type of wish has changed. I started feeling lacking in my life……! Yes I know -values are not which changes with circumstances, infect the values which are maintained in critical circumstances are true values. But I have questions on values it self. But thankfully I always have my mother in front of me and when I look at my mother, question mark turned to full stop. She is always firm in any critical time and no compromise on values.
What else do you need?
What else do you need?
I was and am fortunate that I got an opportunity to work and serve places for which one always have dream of – one was my birth place and my nani’s village/ district and another is our native place/ districts. (Dhrangdhra and Kutch respectively)
Oh, I am again the most fortunate that I was doing negotiation of buying the administrative office of one the big textile mills which was part of the mill where my Nana used to work. I used to sit from where big business of that textile mill was handled by the owner. It was again the same areas where my mother and her mother used to stay and work- struggled, that area will be having foot print and all those memories. My mother still remembers the name of the people/family for which she used to work.
What else do you need in your life, how much self satisfaction do you have when you have all these opportunities. That was the reason I was feeling that I got more than what I expected or may be deserved.
I don’t know we all were doing some work which was resulting in to “progress”. I think I have achieved the best which one should or can achieve in their professional life or wanting to go at that height in their professional life. However I was feeling I was much happy and satisfied when I was just doing work, I never got happiness with position or power. However the word “ achieve or achievement” is reflecting the efforts of getting something but I will be honest I was not doing efforts to get any thing or something, I just wanted to do work that’s it.
I was and am fortunate that I got an opportunity to work and serve places for which one always have dream of – one was my birth place and my nani’s village/ district and another is our native place/ districts. (Dhrangdhra and Kutch respectively)
Oh, I am again the most fortunate that I was doing negotiation of buying the administrative office of one the big textile mills which was part of the mill where my Nana used to work. I used to sit from where big business of that textile mill was handled by the owner. It was again the same areas where my mother and her mother used to stay and work- struggled, that area will be having foot print and all those memories. My mother still remembers the name of the people/family for which she used to work.
What else do you need in your life, how much self satisfaction do you have when you have all these opportunities. That was the reason I was feeling that I got more than what I expected or may be deserved.
I don’t know we all were doing some work which was resulting in to “progress”. I think I have achieved the best which one should or can achieve in their professional life or wanting to go at that height in their professional life. However I was feeling I was much happy and satisfied when I was just doing work, I never got happiness with position or power. However the word “ achieve or achievement” is reflecting the efforts of getting something but I will be honest I was not doing efforts to get any thing or something, I just wanted to do work that’s it.
Self Reliance 4/ Lets go out from Comfort zone
Lets go out from Comfort zone Mona….!
Another thing which was not acceptable to my blood with self respect that at the end of the month the owner of the place used to come and tell me to take my salary from the cash box only. I was told the amount of my salary (Rs. 650/ a month). So it was little strange for me, to take my salary from the cash box, that was good that he was having all the faith on me, but there was no one to see weather I am taking exact amount, no one who was taking any account. That was good atmosphere that things were on trust, but the remuneration which I used to take has to be given. So this was giving me clear understanding that he does not care about the part of business which I was handling and for him it was peanut amount. I thought work which can use my mind, my body and where I can contribute what all I have learned during my education. Here there was nothing to contribute.
So I have decided to move out from the comfort zone even after Papa’s death.
However if I do not thank them it will be totally injustice, they were so supportive, there was also situation of receiving sympathy. You can hardly get this kind of employers who really supports their employees particularly in their critical time, and really genuine.
Turning point of Life:
One day when I was on the play ground, it was selection for the National team. I was not sure weather to play the National game since I was under the tremendous shock of my father’s death. It was my first day out from home after the Papa’s death. But my mother and some relatives encouraged me to go and play. Hardly 25 days after my father’s death.
My brother came to pick me at the play ground, since I got a call for the job which became my final destination. How can I forget that moment? I am sure it was all blessing from Nani and Papa.
I very much remember I directly rush from play ground for my first interaction or interview. I was in dusty cloths, I had to borrow longer skirt which was on Polyester cloth from one of friend on the ground only at the time of my first and last interview for the job or whatever name you want to give or use ( I normally totally against with word “job”) was with totally dusty cloths! When I told my mother this job involves lot of travelling so my mother says - than this is the right job for you Mona, pls. go ahead with it. I was earning Rs. 50 more than the earlier job.
After this I was selected in National completion but was also called for the job, so that was the last game which I have played. I have played some open games after that though.
I was not having any idea in which world I was entering in to! I was not having any definition of work; I just wanted to do work. The other thing I was totally on learning mode. If I do any kind of work or any work I feel I am the top of the world.
Another thing which was not acceptable to my blood with self respect that at the end of the month the owner of the place used to come and tell me to take my salary from the cash box only. I was told the amount of my salary (Rs. 650/ a month). So it was little strange for me, to take my salary from the cash box, that was good that he was having all the faith on me, but there was no one to see weather I am taking exact amount, no one who was taking any account. That was good atmosphere that things were on trust, but the remuneration which I used to take has to be given. So this was giving me clear understanding that he does not care about the part of business which I was handling and for him it was peanut amount. I thought work which can use my mind, my body and where I can contribute what all I have learned during my education. Here there was nothing to contribute.
So I have decided to move out from the comfort zone even after Papa’s death.
However if I do not thank them it will be totally injustice, they were so supportive, there was also situation of receiving sympathy. You can hardly get this kind of employers who really supports their employees particularly in their critical time, and really genuine.
Turning point of Life:
One day when I was on the play ground, it was selection for the National team. I was not sure weather to play the National game since I was under the tremendous shock of my father’s death. It was my first day out from home after the Papa’s death. But my mother and some relatives encouraged me to go and play. Hardly 25 days after my father’s death.
My brother came to pick me at the play ground, since I got a call for the job which became my final destination. How can I forget that moment? I am sure it was all blessing from Nani and Papa.
I very much remember I directly rush from play ground for my first interaction or interview. I was in dusty cloths, I had to borrow longer skirt which was on Polyester cloth from one of friend on the ground only at the time of my first and last interview for the job or whatever name you want to give or use ( I normally totally against with word “job”) was with totally dusty cloths! When I told my mother this job involves lot of travelling so my mother says - than this is the right job for you Mona, pls. go ahead with it. I was earning Rs. 50 more than the earlier job.
After this I was selected in National completion but was also called for the job, so that was the last game which I have played. I have played some open games after that though.
I was not having any idea in which world I was entering in to! I was not having any definition of work; I just wanted to do work. The other thing I was totally on learning mode. If I do any kind of work or any work I feel I am the top of the world.
Self Reliance 3
Overcoming financial crisis! I salute you Papa:
Since last 19 years I am saluting my father and appreciating my father for his capability and skills of managing home and life in limited resources. I have now realized how difficult it is. However I very much remember I was not happy if I don’t get new dress, or Papa refused me to give money for the picnic, once he was furious on me and thrown away my sports bag when I was going to play my open games and asked money for the bus fare early in the morning. I was not able to understand why Papa was refusing for bus fare, or picnic money? However that time I was not able to appreciate the fact that he had never refused to give money for the basic necessity of education. But in last 19 years there is not a single day when I do not remember my father and appreciate. Papa how you were managing? We may be earning much more what you may have but still….difficult. Also how do we overcome from financial crisis was again a inherited values from Mother and Father.
I am sure all will agree with me that “Simplicity” is the- and only solution and answer to many and most of the problems. Many times during my work I was connecting or able to connect or relate my situation with those women and families ( below poverty line) very well. I have always seen myself part of them only. Though we can not be considered below poverty line but always at the danger level of survival.
Air-condition? Nor for me!
I was doing job so I can meet some expenses of education. At the time of my Fathers’ death, they were so nice that they came and assured to me that they will give me all the support. But my blood was not comfortable taking any obligation. I hardly was doing any work there, and hardly moving from the chair, there was chilled air- conditioner, which was giving me pain in my entire body. I used to complain my mother about my discomfort sitting in chair and in air-conditioner.
Even today many people who knows me are aware of the fact that I have an allergy of an air-conditioner.
Cont.
Since last 19 years I am saluting my father and appreciating my father for his capability and skills of managing home and life in limited resources. I have now realized how difficult it is. However I very much remember I was not happy if I don’t get new dress, or Papa refused me to give money for the picnic, once he was furious on me and thrown away my sports bag when I was going to play my open games and asked money for the bus fare early in the morning. I was not able to understand why Papa was refusing for bus fare, or picnic money? However that time I was not able to appreciate the fact that he had never refused to give money for the basic necessity of education. But in last 19 years there is not a single day when I do not remember my father and appreciate. Papa how you were managing? We may be earning much more what you may have but still….difficult. Also how do we overcome from financial crisis was again a inherited values from Mother and Father.
I am sure all will agree with me that “Simplicity” is the- and only solution and answer to many and most of the problems. Many times during my work I was connecting or able to connect or relate my situation with those women and families ( below poverty line) very well. I have always seen myself part of them only. Though we can not be considered below poverty line but always at the danger level of survival.
Air-condition? Nor for me!
I was doing job so I can meet some expenses of education. At the time of my Fathers’ death, they were so nice that they came and assured to me that they will give me all the support. But my blood was not comfortable taking any obligation. I hardly was doing any work there, and hardly moving from the chair, there was chilled air- conditioner, which was giving me pain in my entire body. I used to complain my mother about my discomfort sitting in chair and in air-conditioner.
Even today many people who knows me are aware of the fact that I have an allergy of an air-conditioner.
Cont.
Self Reliance 1
Artisan/ an embroider:
I was trying to meet the expenses of my school and college with the help of embroidery work; I used to take the orders for the embroidery work on sarees. Along with that I learned to put “henna” – “mahendi” and I was taking orders for the “henna” for the brides for the marriage and for other festivals. I was having opportunity to put Henna to all my neighborhood and childhood friends during their marriages. Most of them got married immediate after completion of their graduation.
Well I was not aware where my life was going and that that was not my future. But what was important that these all efforts have given me some or other kind of learning or skills.
Cyclist:
The current results and admissions etc. process always reminds me of my days. Parent hardly knows anything. I very much remember I and my brother was on bicycle to fill up the forms from one college to other college. Since I was having good percentage we have pursued for the two best colleges of the Ahmadabad, and have not filled up the forms in any other college at all. I could get the admission in one of those two colleges only- (I was fortunate). I used to go to college on my bicycle only. Many times the school friends used to make joke on my bicycle ride to one of the best college. But who cares? And more importantly there was no options.
At that time it may have been the record break cycling in school and college both. I used to go to college for my sports practice on the college ground, then come back, take my sister and drop her to the school which was about 8 k.m from home and from there I used to go to college, another 6-7 k.m., some time used to come back and again go for practice, some time we used to go with the sports cloth so we directly go to the ground after the college and at 5.30 by any how I have to be at the school of my sister to pick her up. So in whatever world I am, I have to reach to pick up her at 5.30. However later on we have enrolled my sister in to the nearest school, she was put up in the school for handicapped but than we have decided that she will also study in near by school. (Again fortunate, reduced my cycling) From second year onwards we have formed good group in the college so I found a friend who used to come and pick me up on her Luna- a two wheeler. (Again fortunate).
Biggest Loss of my life!
During graduation, when I was in second year of the college, I lost my Nani, it was great loss. I have heavy influence of my Nani on me, and even today I can’t forget her, I still used to see her in dreams. I was having that feeling that she should be with me and us forever.
I was doing small job when completed my graduation at the place where I have realized that I was not required at all.
I was doing my Master study that time. We hardly could come out from the shock of death of my Nani again another big attack by nature. I have lost my father. It was totally unexpected and all of sudden, you have never thought of such situation. How would you live without “papa”? It is very hard to accept such hard truth. Papa never used to share if he was having any health problems and he used to do all that traditional methods of cure to overcome any problem.
I was not having any idea that time what will happen to us, and how we will survive. No support system, my father was the only earning member. I and my brother were just graduated. My father was running the business but he was not aggressive and ambitious person. There was debt, that time for us it was little bigger amount, but still it was not big, some savings of father, (very little).
Cont.
I was trying to meet the expenses of my school and college with the help of embroidery work; I used to take the orders for the embroidery work on sarees. Along with that I learned to put “henna” – “mahendi” and I was taking orders for the “henna” for the brides for the marriage and for other festivals. I was having opportunity to put Henna to all my neighborhood and childhood friends during their marriages. Most of them got married immediate after completion of their graduation.
Well I was not aware where my life was going and that that was not my future. But what was important that these all efforts have given me some or other kind of learning or skills.
Cyclist:
The current results and admissions etc. process always reminds me of my days. Parent hardly knows anything. I very much remember I and my brother was on bicycle to fill up the forms from one college to other college. Since I was having good percentage we have pursued for the two best colleges of the Ahmadabad, and have not filled up the forms in any other college at all. I could get the admission in one of those two colleges only- (I was fortunate). I used to go to college on my bicycle only. Many times the school friends used to make joke on my bicycle ride to one of the best college. But who cares? And more importantly there was no options.
At that time it may have been the record break cycling in school and college both. I used to go to college for my sports practice on the college ground, then come back, take my sister and drop her to the school which was about 8 k.m from home and from there I used to go to college, another 6-7 k.m., some time used to come back and again go for practice, some time we used to go with the sports cloth so we directly go to the ground after the college and at 5.30 by any how I have to be at the school of my sister to pick her up. So in whatever world I am, I have to reach to pick up her at 5.30. However later on we have enrolled my sister in to the nearest school, she was put up in the school for handicapped but than we have decided that she will also study in near by school. (Again fortunate, reduced my cycling) From second year onwards we have formed good group in the college so I found a friend who used to come and pick me up on her Luna- a two wheeler. (Again fortunate).
Biggest Loss of my life!
During graduation, when I was in second year of the college, I lost my Nani, it was great loss. I have heavy influence of my Nani on me, and even today I can’t forget her, I still used to see her in dreams. I was having that feeling that she should be with me and us forever.
I was doing small job when completed my graduation at the place where I have realized that I was not required at all.
I was doing my Master study that time. We hardly could come out from the shock of death of my Nani again another big attack by nature. I have lost my father. It was totally unexpected and all of sudden, you have never thought of such situation. How would you live without “papa”? It is very hard to accept such hard truth. Papa never used to share if he was having any health problems and he used to do all that traditional methods of cure to overcome any problem.
I was not having any idea that time what will happen to us, and how we will survive. No support system, my father was the only earning member. I and my brother were just graduated. My father was running the business but he was not aggressive and ambitious person. There was debt, that time for us it was little bigger amount, but still it was not big, some savings of father, (very little).
Cont.
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